Can someone proofread my short essay for college?
I’m not fluent in English cause i moved here about 3 years ago.
“There is a quaker saying: “let your life speak.” Describe the environment in which you were raised- your family, home neighborhood or community- and how it influenced the person you are today.”
As a child of motivated go-getters parents who choose to move to another country for better opportunities, pursuing dreams have been part of my life. Even before the immigration to America, our house was always stalked up with piles of American fiction, history and art books. As I slowly broaden my perspectives to other cultures, I have always been fascinated by Western art works especially Salvador Dali’s. His powerful subjects with simple background with deep meanings enthralled me and gave me assurance that if someone was to ask me who my favorite artist was, I could answer proudly. Who would’ve thought that elephants can have fragile legs like birds? His ideas without limits and concrete judgment influenced me to become an inventor. Today, it is obvious my parents passed on their passion to me. From numerous educational resources I was exposed to, I learned to expand my perspectives and attitude. From my teacher mother, I learned to efficiently communicate my feelings and thoughts. Also, from my engineer father, I learned to work diligently in order to achieve a goal. I was a small kid without their positive impacts on me which created who I am today. My goal is not to become a millionaire or a celebrity but to give back what I received from America, land of opportunity and the home of braves.
please criticize me harshly and help me improve!
3 Answers
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As a child of SELF-motivated GO-GETTER parents, who CHOSE to move to another country for better opportunities TO PURSUE THEIR DREAMS, THEIR CONCEPTS HAVE BEEN PASSED ONTO ME. Even before OUR immigration to America, our house was always STOCKED up with piles of American fiction, AMERICAN history, and AMERICAN art books. As I GRADUALLY BROADENED my perspectives OF other cultures, A FASCINATION EMERGED FOR Western art works, especially Salvador Dali’s. His powerful subjects, ALTHOUGH CONTAINING simple background with deep meanings, enthralled me and gave me assurance TO ANSWER SUCH A QUESTION ABOUT MY FAVORITE ARTIST, PROUDLY. Who would HAVE thought that elephants can have AS fragile legs AS birds? His ideas, without limits and concrete judgment, STRONGLY influenced me to become an inventor. Today it is obvious, MY PARENTS’ PASSION WAS PASSED ONTO ME. From EXPOSURE TO numerous educational resources , I learned to expand my perspectives and IMPROVE MY attitude. MY mother, WHO WAS A TEACHER, TAUGHT ME HOW TO efficiently communicate my feelings and thoughts. WHILE I LEARNED FROM my engineer father to work diligently in order to achieve a goal. WITHOUT THEM AND their positive impacts on me, I WOULD NOT BE WHO I AM TODAY. My goal is, WITHOUT A DOUBT, not to become a millionaire or EXPERIENCE FAME, but to give back what I received from America, THE land of opportunity and the home of brave.
however, ” Who would HAVE thought that elephants can have AS fragile legs AS birds? ” doesn’t make sense..is this a quote from some book you read?
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There are too many problems with this paragraph so try to get your teacher to proof read it! I’ll do the first and last sentence to help.
As a child of motivated go-getter parents who chose to move to another country for better opportunities, pursuing dreams have always been part of my life.
My goal is to not become a millionaire or a celebrity, but rather to give back what I received from America, the land of opportunity and home of the brave.
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once you’re saying “my mom and father informed ‘us'” that doesn’t make experience. you haven’t any longer suggested which you have a sister or brother or every person else in in that communique. basically say ‘me’. Use “my aunts and uncles took us to their shops the place I witnessed “them spend” … the subsequent 2-3 sentences after that look in passive voice. No hyphens in six years outdated and positioned a comma after outdated.looking on why format you’re utilising (MLA, APA) it extremely is beneficial to learn while you’re meant to apply contractions. i comprehend for my papers i will’t use them yet they are not college essays. And as quickly as I say no longer use them I advise basically drier ate the two words (i’d = I had).
